Stop acting so shocked
See, I drive fine, if you take things into context. I noticed when I went to college that everyone says people drive crazy in their hometown, as if it's a point of pride. "Oh man, you're going to have to get used to these Philly drivers then." "This is bad, but man, it's nowhere near as bad as it is in New Jersey." And so on. Turns out there's quite a competition.
Turns out I win! Or maybe I lose. Either way, Rhode Island apparently has the worst drivers in the country. A recent study gave written driver's tests to a bunch of current drivers, and it turns out the folks in Rhode Island averaged 71 out of 100, eight points above failing and the lowest in the country. So I guess if you're passing a driver who's scribbling a written test on top of the steering wheel, you're all set unless he has an Ocean State license plate.
Incidentally, the story is hilarious but I don't think it's true. There are certain Rhode Island stereotypes - the rolling stop, and who really needs a turn signal - but driving here is no more difficult than anywhere else I've been. In fact, driving around here is a lot easier than in a lot of other places, mostly because drivers here are rational. Have you ever noticed that Florida drivers don't understand the concept of a high-speed lane? Here's how you can tell if that matters: does the thought of slow cars driving right next to each other in every single lane upset you? If you're like me and Marlins ace Josh Beckett, it probably does.
Or we can just blame Florida for being the weird state. Truthfully, I suspect driver talent is pretty evenly divided across our fair country. (Not around the world though: those Italians drive with a death wish.) So I'm happy to call it a truce: just get out of my fucking lane or I'll hit you with a big shell. You wanna get rolled?