This Is Pretty Much How My Social Life Goes
Thank you McSweeney's:
You're rarer than a five-tool catcher. What? That's not gay slang for anything. I'm talking about my fantasy baseball rotisserie league. No. That's not a gay slang term, either.- - - -
That sure was quite the make-out session. I've seen windows fog up in movies, but never in real life. Goodness! We really went at it, didn't we? I forget the last time I felt so revved up. Want to head inside? You do? Splendid! Oh, wait. Now I remember the last time I felt so turned on: When I was able to snag Mark Prior with a sixth-round draft pick. Yes, I'll take you home.
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If my heart were made of bases, you'd be Scott Podsednik.
McSweeney's is actually really good for a style of humor you won't get anywhere else. In case that wasn't evident.