Terry McMahon's Awesome Blog

Great weekend up at Lake Winnipesaukee, with many an opportunity both for sober, wide-ranging reflection and for making fun of idiots who don't know they've graduated from college yet. Certain themes of certain conversations reminded me of my friend Galvin's "third-party friends rule," which I repeat here.

Based on what I've just said, do you care about my friend Galvin? If you know him, yes, and if you don't, I'm guessing no. (Moms excepted from this rule. Hi Mom!) The reason you don't care about my friend Galvin is that simply mentioning someone as my friend doesn't make him interesting. If I tell how Galvin's face turns red after only one drink, that he taught English in Japan for two years, or that he considers Super Mario Land to be canon, that might be interesting.

I mention all this because, I believe, most things most people say about their third-party friends fall under the Third-Party Friend Rule, i.e. no one cares. Did your friend from high school get engaged? Great! I'm sure she's nice. Otherwise, I don't care. Explain why it's different from the other 20,000 people who got engaged yesterday, or stop talking about it. You spent the Outkast concert with some guy named Evan? Awesome! I hope you had a good time. But I don't give a shit about Evan's musical stylings, so that's why I asked you about Outkast.

In sum, here's the Third-Party Friend Rule: if your audience doesn't know the person you're talking about, your anecdote has to be interesting to your audience, not just to you. Also, no one I know who will read this has ever been half as bad as the good folks who inspired this post, so worry you not. Let's just call this a public service announcement.

P.S. My intro on Lake Winnipesaukee counts, because all I'm saying is that I went there. How is that interesting?
P.P.S. Putting up a picture of (L-R) me and Aaron also counts, because I haven't explained who Aaron is, or why I always look so attractive.
P.P.P.S. I hope, by this point, Galvin doesn't count, because I've explained several interesting details and that's pretty much all he's got. Well, except his high-def TV. Hi Galvin!