Links: Deal with it
I'm sorry, this is the funniest Onion headline in a long time:
"Bush Braces As Cindy Sheehan's Other Son Drowns In New Orleans" [The Onion]
All right, segueing ever so slowly back into reality, which story is the joke, and which is real?
"Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades" By James M. Kilts, CEO and President, The Gillette Company
"Gillette Unveils 5-Bladed Razor" Associated Press, 9/14/05
We're good? Next, staying with entertainment, see how you can find a Tivo easter egg to give yourself a 30-second skip. That's right, commercials ain't shit when you steal links from Bill Simmons.
I want to make two points with this political link, concerning Kentucky Gov. Ernie Fletcher's imploding political career. First, the quote, originally from crappy Louisville TV network WHAS but brought to you by Bluegrass Report:
Republican Party insiders tell WHAS11 News Fletcher’s support in his own party is eroding, and they claim Republican U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell is in a not-so-private fight with Fletcher. The governor denies this, saying that he has been hurt politically, but he’s nowhere close to dead.
OK, let me tell you all you need to know about Kentucky Republican politics: Don't fuck with Mitch McConnell. McConnell, who as a county executive in 1984 became the only Republican that year to unseat a sitting U.S. Senator, has almost singlehandedly turned Kentucky from a Democratic to a Republican state, strategizing over the wins that won the Kentucky GOP both Senate seats, most House seats, the state Senate, the governor's office, and who knows what to come. In essence, nothing happens in Kentucky Republican politics without Mitch McConnell's approval. And the crazy part is, it's one thing to be a Karl Rove or Lee Atwater and be able to tell any campaign how to win. It's another to be that good a consultant for someone else and that good a politician yourself: Mitch McConnell also happens to be the odds-on favorite to become Senate Majority Leader when Frist leaves after the 2006 elections. So, with all of Fletcher's other problems, he's now in a fight with Ivan Drago. Good fucking luck.
The other point I'd like to make is more of a question. I apparently was visiting Bluegrass Report for the first time, because I had no idea it was fully owned and operated by native San Franciscan, horse racing enthusiast and onetime Tony Miller for Congress general consultant Mark Nickolas. Is there a general etiquette for saying hello to someone who you haven't spoken with in a year once you discover their blog? I shouldn't just post in the comments, right?
Also, I found this piece to be pretty compelling. I think the author went to my high school and/or is the sister of one of my favorite random new Friendster friends of the past week.
Finally, please find the SNL transcript of the day under the fold.
The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton
Jeffrey.....Phil Hartman
Cosima.....Jan Hooks
Colin.....Kevin Bacon
Blake.....Mike Myers
Meg.....Victoria Jackson
Chris.....Chris Farley
[ open on interior, family library, as members of the Sarcastic Clapping Family enter and sit ]
Jeffrey: Now that we're all here, I'd just like to say one thing: I know that some of you would like to challenge Father's will! After all, Meg and I did to rather well.. and maybe Blake and Cosima think that's unfair! Of course, I certainly respect your right to do whatever you feel you have to do - but! For God's sakes.. before we start getting lawyers in here, and fighting each other like greedy rats! Let's remember one thing: we're a family, dammit! A family!! Because there's a lot more at stake here than mere dollars and cents! There's the memory of a man we all loved. The man we called.. "Father".
[ Cosima claps sarcastically ]
Cosima: Quite a performance, Jeffrey. Oh.. quite a performance, indeed. Considering the fact that you.. hated Father! No, no, no - don't act so shocked, Jeffrey. We all know that you were just waiting for Father to die, so you could get oyur filthy hands on all his money..!! [ sobs ]
[ Colin claps sarcastically ]
Colin: Nice speech, Cosima. Very nice. Considering you hadn't seen Father in almost two years!
[ Blake claps sarcastically ]
Blake: Nice cutting observation, Colin.
[ Meg claps sarcastically ]
Meg: Nice sentence, Blake.
[ Chris claps sarcastically ]
Chris: Nice clapping, Meg!
[ Jeffrey claps sarcastically ]
Jeffrey: Nice.
[ they all clap sarcastically ]
[ dissolve to title card ]
Announcer: And now, a scene from the next episode of.. "The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton".
[ dissolve to Blake and Cosima sitting around their proud Little Girl ]
Little Girl: Mommy! Daddy! Look at my picture!
[ Blake and Cosima clap sarcastically ]
[ dissolve to title card ]
Announcer: Next week, on.. "The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton".
[ fade ]
Comments
Where did you find that Sheila blog? She went to SK?
That was really hard-hitting. Painful. Did you notice a *Ricki* commented on her blog in 2004? What's up with that?
Posted by: Ricki | September 22, 2005 7:07 PM
Who is Sheila?
Posted by: Laura | September 22, 2005 10:08 PM
A bunch of us were laughing at the morbid Cindy Onion headline in class today. Very funny.
Posted by: Tara | September 24, 2005 12:26 AM